This is a difficult post; but one I must do, mostly for myself (I think). I do a lot of thinking! Some of it hopeful - some of it with grief - some of it with questions. Not the 'why' question - because, after all, why should we be exempt from the other millions of lives affected by cancer? There - I've said it - CANCER! The word that, when one hears it, immediately depicts pain and death and hours of waiting in doctor offices. But it also speaks of God's healing power, of His marvelous grace, of a community of believers surrounding one with prayer and kind words. People who pray for you and with you and weep with you! It causes one to focus on what is important and what can be left go; on our very temporary passage through life and best of all - HEAVEN! It slows life down in an amazing way; what one didn't have time for before now, can fit it in today.
My husband was diagnosed last week with colon cancer...just.like.that. Kindly but bluntly. And we wouldn't have it any other way - we WANTED to know...to have an answer to a serious rectal bleed. To the diminished energy that didn't make sense. Between the bleed and the confirmation from the the doctor, I went from...
'oh, it's just hemorrhoids'
to 'inayeari'mgonnabeawidowandihavetosellthishousecauseit'sttoobigforoneperson' mode. But in the middle of a sleepless night, I KNEW! At the same time, I KNEW I COULD TRUST MY GOD!
Tony Evans says, "When God wants to do something big in your life, He usually disrupts it.' Ten years ago, after a major disruption in our life, our marriage was restored. I don't know what God is going to do with this disruption - I only know that HE IS FAITHFUL and will give us what we need! Our surgeons are Christian men and have already acknowleged it's God who heals. We feel SURROUNDED by prayer from others who are holding us up when we are weak. Our children's care and support is an ENORMOUS blessing and our grandchildren have us on their prayer list!
A dear friend taught me the concept of God's two altars of worship...the worship of rejoicing and the worship of lament. Both are built on the same rock:
God is completely sovereign,
God is infinite wisdom,
and God is perfect in love.
Lamenting is the 'dark side of worship.' It is a worship of sorrow, of weeping, of confusion, grief, mourning and auguish. Right now, this is my worship. But if I demand healing, I cannot be comforted because it's at the altar of lament where I can meet the God of Comfort.
Hubs will have his surgery this Thursday, May 5 (incidently, on National Day of Prayer!) around noon. He will be in the hospital one week, with up to four weeks of recovery. The surgeon said he'll be tired a long time. Chemo depends on whether the cancer is contained.
This picture was taken at Christmas with our youngest grandchild.
Bring us to the Throne of Grace as you think about us!