Monday, May 2, 2011

The 'C' word

This is a difficult post; but one I must do, mostly for myself (I think). I do a lot of thinking! Some of it hopeful - some of it with grief - some of it with questions. Not the 'why' question - because, after all, why should we be exempt from the other millions of lives affected by cancer? There - I've said it - CANCER! The word that, when one hears it, immediately depicts pain and death and hours of waiting in doctor offices. But it also speaks of  God's healing power, of His marvelous grace, of a community of believers surrounding one with prayer and kind words. People who pray for you and with you and weep with you! It causes one to focus on what is important and what can be left go; on our very temporary passage through life and best of all - HEAVEN! It slows life down in an amazing way; what one didn't have time for before now, can fit it in today.

My husband was diagnosed last week with colon Kindly but bluntly. And we wouldn't have it any other way - we WANTED to have an answer to a serious rectal bleed. To the diminished energy that didn't make sense. Between the bleed and the confirmation from the the doctor, I went from...
'oh, it's just hemorrhoids'
to 'inayeari'mgonnabeawidowandihavetosellthishousecauseit'sttoobigforoneperson' mode. But in the middle of a sleepless night, I KNEW! At the same time, I KNEW I COULD TRUST MY GOD!

Tony Evans says, "When God wants to do something big in your life, He usually disrupts it.'  Ten years ago, after a major disruption in our life, our marriage was restored. I don't know what God is going to do with this disruption - I only know that HE IS FAITHFUL and will give us what we need! Our surgeons are Christian men and have already acknowleged it's God who heals. We feel SURROUNDED by prayer from others who are holding us up when we are weak. Our children's care and support is an ENORMOUS blessing and our grandchildren have us on their prayer list!

A dear friend taught me the concept of God's two altars of worship...the worship of rejoicing and the worship of lament. Both are built on the same rock:
 God is completely sovereign,
God is infinite wisdom,
 and God is perfect in love.
Lamenting is the 'dark side of worship.' It is a worship of sorrow, of weeping, of confusion, grief, mourning and auguish. Right now, this is my worship. But if I demand healing, I cannot be comforted because it's at the altar of lament where I can meet the God of Comfort.

Hubs will have his surgery this Thursday, May 5 (incidently, on National Day of Prayer!) around noon. He will be in the hospital one week, with up to four weeks of recovery. The surgeon said he'll be tired a long time. Chemo depends on whether the cancer is contained.

This picture was taken at Christmas with our youngest grandchild.

Bring us to the Throne of Grace as you think about us!


Sharon said...

Very well written. So Sorry Dear Friend. I will pray for you often.

conradntric said...

thanks for sharing your heart.. so sorry to hear this. I will lift you and your husband to the Father!

Shelly said...

So sorry that you had to write this kind of post, but thanks for letting us know. We will pray for you too! The altar of rejoicing and the altar of lament have been so helpful for me too in walking through and processing the terrible and the wonderful things of life. We demonstrate faith in the Lord when we show up at the altar~whether to lament or to rejoice~instead of keeping to "ourselves" with our pain and joy. It's all part of walking in relationship with Him. May He grant healing to body and soul!

elaine said...

So sorry to hear this.No one wants to be the family who experiences cancer personally.My husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer,7 years ago at age 41.He had surgery(a radical prostatectomy)then radiation in 2009 when it was discovered that cancer was active again.He still is not considered to be cancer free.(his numbers are low but not at zero,but we're so thankful it's not fast growing)We have experienced both the altar of rejoicing and the altar of lament.Through it all God has been faithful!We have experienced so many blessings from our great God!Praying for you.......

Anonymous said...

Dear Sis,
What Cancer Cannot Do

Author: Unknown
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.
much love-R

Crystal said...

Lots of thoughts of prayers coming your way. God does always have a plan. Sometimes it's hard to just give up control and turn all worries over to him. It does make you appreciate everything God blesses us with!!!

Desires of the Heart said...

So sorry to hear this news about your husband. Please know I will pray for the Lord's healing touch and wisdome for the doctors as they do surgery on Thursday. God is faithful and I have friends who will testify that He did bring them through colon cancer. My thoughts are with you, Esther. I enjoy your beautiful blog.

Joyce - Quilted Nest said...

Oh my dear - what an amazingly beautiful post! I have no quick word - except I will be praying. You're already on my list - and have been on God's list from the beginning. I can imagine the range of emotions you must be feeling... You are right - God is Faithful... and 'able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine'. Love you so much!

Cindy said...

Hi Esther,
I will be praying for your husband healing and quick recovery and restored health.
I will be praying for strength for you and for unspeakable joy to visit you often.
I went through cancer with my daughter, when she was 16, God taught us so much during those dark, helpless days when we could only trust his hand was in it all. Twelve years later she is still well.
So glad we know THIS kind of God.
Love and hugs, Cindy

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